But..I don't want to feel the pain..

August 24, 2011


There seems to be a little more calm in South Florida today. You see, the hurricane is not projected to not hit us. The sigh of relief is almost an audible from the entire state. I glance over the feed on my twitter and facebook and read anywhere from "Praying that this storm goes away" to " God, move this storm away from us and keep us safe". It is a mix of pleading, politely asking and downright having camp meeting and "claiming" that the storm WILL move. I sip my coffee and read this:

James 1:2-4
The Message (MSG)
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

Hmmm.... SERIOUSLY?! consider it JOY? Surely, James, you MUST be joking?! I mean, I live in America, where we are promised a dream and a house with 2.5 children and happiness. I consider THAT a joy.. not these challenges you speak of. I mean, why in the world would I want to be happy about being in trials? There seems to be some sort of mix up in our thinking when it comes to stuff not going exactly "our" way. I know for me my prayers are a mixture of "Lord, please keep my children safe today" and "God, help me get through this day and keep me from danger, give me favor". It is a long way from the prayer I probably should be praying something like.. "God, whatever your will is for me today..whatever purpose I am to serve today...whatever my children's purpose is today.. fulfill it by whatever means you have prepared for us." I, in all honesty, am not even quite comfortable typing it out right now. It is terrifying all the more when I include my own children into this prayer. It is almost "unnatural" for me to say such things. I am a firm believer in God's love and His care for us. But I am also aware that He has a plan for me and for us. How can I expect Him to fulfill this plan if I am the one calling the shots.. even in my prayer requests of Him. It is almost as if I am "telling" Him what to do by how I pray. Is that even wise of me? Is it smart to take the wheel and then act as if I am letting Him be in control. I have to say this is something today that I am going to be thinking on and trying to change. I want Him to have control...i think.. right? I want Him to shine through me and get out of the way... i think.

My prayer today is that I embrace whatever I face with the knowledge that my life is completely God's. That whatever I face He is in control and I am willing to consider it Joy and grow through it... I don't want to be afraid of pain. I want it to be used BY GOD to change me and allow me to Shine for Him.

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